Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
