I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
