i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
