On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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