Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize