Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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