i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
