That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
