New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
