i wish my penis had a tongue
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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