I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
