My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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