I'm gonna have a badass scar
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
