Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
