Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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