he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
