I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize