Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
