im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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