you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
