Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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