Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
