dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
