he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
