I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want a musical about memes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
