I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
