he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i walk over a car last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
