Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
