went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
