I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
