Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
