so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
