Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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