So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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