The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize