I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
