the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
