Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
