Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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