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Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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