i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
