just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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