I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
