my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize