My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize