found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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