my mouth tastes like poor choices
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
