Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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