So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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