Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
