roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize