I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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