I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
