Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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