You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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