he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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