it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize