Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're facebook friends in real life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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