Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
