So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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