just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
