Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
