I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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